5. Psuedo-reconciliation: struggles with loneliness, guilt, and the concerns for the children that lead to second thoughts about separation.
6. Pre-divorce fantasies: when efforts at reconciliation have failed and you begin to plan more earnestly for divorce rather than separation.
7. The decision to divorce: the final turning point, when both spouses and the children must come to grips with the ending of the marriage.
8. Ambivalence: the complexity and magnitude of the actual legal process trigger more second thoughts about whether you are making the right decision.
9. Mediation or Collaboration: a reasonable and peaceful method for ending a marriage without becoming enemies or dragging the children into the adversarial legal battle.
10. The adversarial divorce: the court battle that must occur if attempts at reasonable agreements fail.
11. Co-Parenting after the divorce: developing new boundaries and roles as single yet cooperating parents and providing stability for your children.
12. The first marriage/common law relationship: preparing both the children and the former spouse for the entrance of a new parent into the family system.
13. The second marriage/common law relationship: pressures on the unmarried parent to create a new family system and restore the balance between the two families.
14. A blended family: structuring a healthy stepfamily that provides stability and satisfaction for you and your children; the final phase of the divorce process.
~ Craig Everett and Sandra Volgy Everett from their book, "Healthy Divorce."
The 14 Stages of Divorce
1. The clouds of doubt: early warning signs in the gradual erosion of the marriage or relationship.
2. The cold shoulder: a variety of distancing behaviours caused by dissatisfaction in the marriage or couple relationship.
3. Pre-separation fantasies: the experience of imagining living without your spouse or substituting new partners and lovers.
4. The showdown - physical separation: the drama of planning to separate physically and preparing the children for the experience.